Knock from the past.

There was a knock on the door. I looked at the clock and realized it was only 6:00 am. No wonder I drank so much coffee these days, I thought. I reluctantly pulled myself up from my little kitchen table, dragging my feet to the front door. I opened it and nearly dropped my cup of coffee.

It was him.

“Um, hi,” I said once I recovered. I immediately regretted my decision to open the door. My hair was pulled up in a crazy beehive bun on top of my head, leftover makeup still smeared around my eyes, and I was dressed in my comfiest, although the least bit attractive sweatpants and an old, almost see through band t-shirt, but thank the lucky stars I actually put a bra on. I officially looked like a hobo.

I couldn’t believe he was standing here. Jake, who left me standing at the alter in front of three hundred people because he wasn’t sure where he was headed in life, was standing on my doorstep.

“What are you doing here Jake?” I asked when he still hadn’t spoke.

“Hi,” he said. His baseball hat was on backwards, he had a 5 o’clock shadow and he was dressed in worn out jeans and a black and white baseball tee. His blue eyes still shining bright, the reason I fell in love with him in the first place. They let you see right into his soul and once you did that was it, you were stuck.

I took a sip of coffee. He was starting to look uncomfortable and I had to admit I was enjoying it a little bit.

“Would you like to come in?” I asked.

“Really?” he said without hiding his surprise.

“Well, I’m not really sure why you’re here. And considering you never had an explanation for leaving I thought maybe you’d like to take this time to explain it to me.”

It all just came out. Eight months of wondering what I did wrong, what I could have done different, and a million other questions about my self-uncertainty had been left unanswered when he left.

“I’m sorry. I know you deserve an explanation and I’ll do my best to give you one,” he said as he struggled to find the right words.

As much as I wanted to rip his head off for what he did to me, I could see he was struggling with something inside. So, doing what I normally did, I decided to give him thebenefit of the doubt. I pushed open the door and motioned him inside. He walked in with his down and sauntered towards the kitchen, he knew the place as well as I did considering we lived there together for nine months before the wedding that never happened. I took a deep breath and followed him, my heart about to jump out of my chest. Now it was time to listen to what he had to say.